1505 Eastland Drive, Suite 500
Bloomington, IL 61701
Phone: (309) 662-2273
Fax: (309) 662-2014
Bloomington, IL 61701
Phone: (309) 662-2273
Fax: (309) 662-2014
When you were little, your parents usually chose your friends, putting you in playgroups or arranging play dates with certain children they knew and liked. Now that you are older, you decide who your friends are and what groups you spend time with.
Your friends—your peers—are people your age or close to it who have experiences and interests similar to yours. You and your friends make dozens of decisions every day, and you influence each other's choices and behaviors. This is often positive—it is human nature to listen to and learn from other people in your age group.
As you become more independent, your peers naturally play a greater role in your life. As school and other activities take you away from home, you may spend more time with peers than you do with your parents and siblings. You will probably develop close friendships with some of your peers, and you may feel so connected to them that they are like an extended family.
Besides close friends, your peers include other kids you know who are the same age—like people in your grade, church, sports team, or community. These peers also influence you by the way they dress and act, things they are involved in, and the attitudes they show.
It is natural for people to identify with and compare themselves to their peers. People are influenced by peers because they want to fit in, be like peers they admire, do what others are doing, or have what others have.
You already know that the teen years can be tough. You are figuring out who you are, what you believe, what you're good at, what your responsibilities are, and what your place in the world is going to be. Peers provide friendship and acceptance. One can share experiences with peers who can provide lasting bonds and memories.
Peers can set plenty of good examples for each other. Having peers who are committed to doing well in school or to doing their best in a sport can influence you to be more goal-oriented, too. Peers who are kind and loyal influence you to build these qualities in yourself. Even peers you have never met can be role models! For example, watching someone your age compete in the Olympics, give a piano concert, or spearhead a community project might inspire you to go after a dream of your own.
Your friends listen and give you feedback as you try out new ideas, explore beliefs, and discuss problems. Peers can help you make decisions, too: what courses to take; whether to get your hair cut, let it grow, or dye it; how to handle a family argument. You might turn to your peers for all sorts of advice—even about intimate or potentially risky decisions like whether to have sex or try drugs.
Having a peer group gives you a chance to use new social skills. Getting to know different people from different peer groups gives you a chance to build relationships, expand your peer group and learn how to work out conflicts and differences. You may meet people that you like, dislike, agree with, or disagree with, have friends you admire and those you do not.
Friends are great sources of encouragement; they can be good listeners when needed, great supporters and be there for you during good times and bad.
Peers are great examples of different cultures and races which can then bring on different experiences, religions, sports, and school activities.
Peers can be a good source of strength when you are ready to make a bad decision or have plans to do something risky.
Just like there is positive peer pressure, there is also negative. They may pressure you into doing something that you are uncomfortable with—such as having sex before you are ready, trying drugs or drinking, driving out of control, going against your parents' wishes or even shoplifting.
Some peer pressure is easily noticed—your friends constantly suggest that you come to a party with them or they bring you an open beer in front of everyone…or maybe they just make alcohol accessible at a party.
Sometimes peer pressure is not as noticeable. Maybe the group all dresses a certain way and you are expected to dress that way also or they could all have a bad attitude in school and you are expected to have the same attitude.
The pressure to be like others and act like others can be very powerful. This pressure can be very harmful to your school performance, your actions at home with your family members or other friendships.
The reason that you and your friends conform to peer pressure is so you do not feel different from the rest of the crowd. Teens are unsure of how to handle social situations, especially when an experience is new to them—like a party or a date. It takes a very strong person to go against peer pressure and stand up for your beliefs, especially when your beliefs are opposite of what the crowd is doing. Responding to peer pressure is a normal part of growing up. Some people are more likely to give in than others.
Nearly everyone ends up in a sticky peer pressure situation at some point. No matter how wisely you choose your friends, or how well you think you know them, sooner or later you will have to make decisions that are difficult and could be unpopular. It may be something as simple as resisting the pressure to spend your hard-earned babysitting money on the latest MP3 player that "everybody" has. Or it may mean deciding to take a stand that makes you look uncool to your group.
But these situations can be opportunities to figure out what are right for you. There's no magic to standing up to peer pressure, but it does take courage—yours:
It is not always easy to resist negative peer pressure, but when you do, it is easy to feel good about it afterwards. And you may even be a positive influence on your peers who feel the same way—often it just takes one person to speak out or take a different action to change a situation. Your friends may follow if you have the courage to do something different or refuse to go along with the group. Consider yourself a leader, and know that you have the potential to make a difference.